The Look

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I got the Look from Darleen yesterday.

Every married man knows the Look, the Look your wife gives you that makes you consider moving to a Coptic monastery on a bleak and desolate rocky outcropping and taking a vow of celibacy.

Maybe not the celibacy part, but you know what I mean. The Look says clearly that the husband in question is mentally negligible. The Look says the husband in question is a feckless wastrel. The Look says her mother was right, she should have married that nice Reed boy down the street, the one who started his own evangelical ministry in Orange County and now has two Bentleys, an Aston Martin, a Lear jet, a thirteen thousand square foot vacation home in Boca Raton, and a fortune in the Cayman Islands, all dedicated to the glory of God.

The Look was accompanied by an acid suggestion by my wife that I have a brain like a sieve. I told her, with dignity, she was wrong, that in fact I have a brain like a steel trap, for important things, and that if I ever, occasionally, forget some trifling detail it is because my head is packed full from ear to ear with some of the most beautiful words ever written. And I proved it to her:


Oh what a rogue and peasant slave am I!

Is it not monstrous that this player here,

But in a fiction, in a dream of passion,

Could force his soul so to his own conceit

That from her working all his visage waned;

Tears in his eyes, something, something, something

Tumty tumty tumty tumty tum,

Something something something for Hecuba!


I get a little fuzzy around that point. It’s been a long time since I did Hamlet.

What I forgot was to buy a lottery ticket. No one had won for several drawings, so the prize was up to two hundred and eighty million, or something like that, and Darleen and I had decided that was worth risking a dollar on. I was the one going into town, sooooo…..

And I was supposed to buy some milk. I forgot that too.

I went online today and checked the lottery website and no one won last night, so now the prize is up to three hundred sixty-some million dollars, but when I pointed out to my little helpmeet that, A) we had saved a dollar by not buying a ticket yesterday (since nobody won), and B) we now had a chance to win some real money instead of the chump change of the previous drawing, she was unmoved. She pointed out I had also forgotten to pick up the mail.

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